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Weed Review: Will Beast Mode 2.0 Make You Feel Like Marshawn Lynch?

Did you know that a Seattle marijuana-delivery service is now offering a Marshawn Lynch-inspired strain called Beast Mode 2.0 ? It’s true. So we got a local enthusiast to review it for us. Here are his (scattered) thoughts.

The first thing that popped into my head upon cracking open my bag of Beast Mode 2.0 Blue Fire OG: “What does Marshawn Lynch smell like? Because if he smells like the human equivalent of this stuff, holy shit, that’s horrifying.” My next thought: “Oh, boy, this is terrifyingly good weed.”

I should make it clear that while I used to be quite the regular smoker, these days I’m much more of a “take a hit or two before special meals and/or new episodes of Archer“-type smoker. Eating a couple cupcakes worth of something called “Beast Mode” has nothing to do with my current marijuana consumption. On the rare occasion that I do purchase pot at one of the newly opened stores here in Washington, my order is for “the gentlest stuff you’ve got,” the equivalent of walking into a dive bar and yelling, “White-wine spritzer, barkeep!” Beast Mode 2.0 Blue Fire OG is not white-wine-spritzer weed.

So what is it? A little digging online informs me that Beast Mode 2.0 Blue Fire OG is a hybrid of OG Kush and White Fire OG, the latter being a hybrid of Tangerine and XJ-13, the latter being a hybrid of Jack Herer and G13 Haze. Jack Herer was developed in Holland in the ’90s as a medical-grade sativa-dominant hybrid, while G13 Haze is a hybrid of G13 (a medical-strength indica-dominant strain) and the original California-developed Haze strain from the ’60s. Meanwhile, Tangerine is a sativa-dominant fourth-generation daughter of Ch9 Aroma.

All this science makes me think that there’s a whole subset of pot culture that is missing the point. I also now know more about the lineage of a strain of well-branded weed than I do about the lineage of my own family. And I say “well-branded” because there’s no evidence that Lynch has ever smoked it, and it seems incredibly unlikely that he was actively involved in its development (though please let him be involved, please please please). Also, it qualifies as well-branded in the sense that I would never have purchased it otherwise, let alone in a way that was unnecessarily legally complicated.

While marijuana is legal to purchase for anyone of age in the state of Washington, it’s only legal for the average consumer to purchase certain strains within the constraints of a highly regulated market. While from a consumer perspective, walking into one of the new pot stores makes buying it about as arduous as getting booze in a state with blue laws, the process going on behind the scenes is filled with hurdles for growers and processors. Meanwhile, in the also-legal but somehow separate world of medical marijuana, the rules for pot producers are far more relaxed, but purchasing any without a doctor’s note remains technically illegal. However, law enforcement has generally turned a blind eye to what amounts to low-level drug-dealing of a legal product in a state where possession itself is decriminalized.

Which is all to say that Beast Mode 2.0 Blue Fire OG is a medical strain that I technically am not supposed to buy, but it is also available to be delivered to the home of anyone in the Seattle area with a valid driver’s license in about an hour, using only text messages for communication.

The overall color of the pot is a pale shade of green—perhaps too pale for a Seahawks weed—with brown flecks of hair. It’s the sort of pot you could show to any high school kid with dreads and a knit hoodie, and get some respectful nods. It’s also sticky as hell, again evoking a sensational relationship with Marshawn Lynch I had no interest in ever really thinking about. My cheap grinder against this stuff is a high school linebacker try to take down Lynch in the open field. And if you’re asking why I would grind up perfectly fresh medical weed, well, you’re right, that’s dumb. Except Beast Mode is all about style points.

Did you know that a Seattle marijuana-delivery service is now offering a Marshawn Lynch-inspired strain called Beast Mode 2.0? It's true. So we got a local enthusiast to review it for us. Here are his (scattered) thoughts.